Good news, bad news – pregnant but in the wrong place

Dr. Mark Trolice

Fetus-21Defining an ectopic pregnancy

The initial goal of every normal pregnancy is for an embryo to implant inside a woman’s uterus.  An ectopic pregnancy is defined as a pregnancy located in any other location than the upper portion of the uterus.  Currently, the incidence of ectopic pregnancies is 2% of spontaneous conceptions, increasing to 5% from pregnancies established through assisted reproductive technology (ART) and 6-8% with a history of a tubal surgery or a prior ectopic.  Over 80% of ectopic pregnancies occur in the fallopian tube, with the remainder found in the cornu (opening to the fallopian tubes) of the uterus, the cervix, the ovary, and even the abdominal cavity (1% of ectopic pregnancies).   A much more rare event is a heterotopic pregnancy defined as two embryo implantations simultaneously occurring in the uterus and an ectopic location.  The incidence of a heterotopic pregnancy is 1 in 10,000 spontaneous conceptions but…

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😡

Today is 10 dpo, and now also CD 1.
AF ruined a brand new pair of cute panties.
She declared me not pregnant which irritates the crap out of me.
She made sure to ruin the weekend.

She now has me scared of a luteal phase defect. How bad is a 9 day luteal phase? Does the luteal length change?

I’m supposed to call my doctor on CD 1 to get femara to take days 3-7 to hopefully ovulate before cd 24. But it’s Saturday night. Normally my doctor isn’t in on Monday either. But I have her cell number. So do I call the answering service to try to reach her or get a message to her, or bug her on her cell on Monday morning?

Ugh. I’m still thankful I ovulated. But now I have a new set of things to worry about. The joys of infertility struggles right?

Don’t let the pain stop.

Most normal people don’t like pain and discomfort. They like to medicate and end the pain as quickly as they can.

I’m not trying to symptom spot, because let’s be honest at 7dpo it’s all due to progesterone. The cramps, hopefully the right sided tightness, the sore boobs and nips, the frequent urination, the bloating, the hunger…all progesterone.

When I was pregnant the first thing I noticed was sore nips that got worse every day starting at 5dpo. Same this time. Which means sore boobs is par for the course of my normal post ovulation body. The odds are they’ll get better in a week or so. No more pain, no more discomfort.

But gosh I hope not. I hope they get worse every day. I hope they feel like they’re going to hop off my chest. I hope bras and shirts and even silk hurt to rub against. I hope even the water in the shower hurts. I want to be bloated, and pee all the time. I want to be nauseous and even throw up.

I hate waiting. One week down. Here’s to hoping for pain and discomfort for 9 months.

Implantation

Over the next week, if I have a fertilized egg floating around, implantation could occur. I’m going to skip the part about what could go wrong and the low percentage that it’s actually happening and focus on what I can do to help, just in case.

Movement. I read somewhere that the motion of walking could help implantation. If you think about it, it makes sense. The gentle rocking motion could help the little embryo burrow. Or at least help it make it’s way out of the tube, which is also a concern of mine. If it doesn’t help, it’s sure not hurting anything. So I’m walking. And doing yoga designed for the luteal phase. Nothing too strenuous, nothing too bouncy or aerobic.

Nourishment. Obviously I’m taking prenatals. I’m not eating sugar and processed junk. I read that pineapple in moderation, specifically the core, is supposed to help thanks to the bromelain. You’re supposed to chop it up into 5 pieces and have one piece a day after you ovulate. I’m skipping this one because I was too late. But next time, maybe. Brazil nuts, an excellent source of selenium, I am eating. They are also supposed to help, in moderation. Everything in moderation. So a small handful a day for me. As well as other mixed nuts. No other herbs or any foods out of the ordinary. Just trying to eat healthy all around.

Warmth. I read that staying warm, but not too warm, can produce a nice environment to burrow into. It’s snowing now and cold so I can relate to wanting to burrow into warm things. No hot baths or showers, no heating bottles. But keeping my feet warm, which is a next to impossible task, and keeping the rest of me warm/comfortable is a priority. I’ve got thick socks, leg warmers, fuzzy slippers, and a blanket if needed. Having my ankles and calves covered seems to do the trick to keeping these ice toes warm.
Eating warm things and staying away from eating anything cold is also something I came across. Since it’s cold out, that’s not a hard thing for me to do.

Calm. One of the hardest for anyone in the TWW to achieve. I wish I could do acupuncture now. It would help a lot. I just don’t have it in the budget right now.
Focusing on the little I might be able to do, per what could be going on that day in my cycle is helping. Hence for the rest of the week trying to create an environment that’s warm and inviting to implant into.
I’m not reading into any symptoms. The hormones can be the cause of anything felt during these two weeks so I’m blaming the hormones for everything I feel, or don’t feel.
Taking things a day at a time, but trying to keep my mind busy on other things is all I really can do.
Breathing also helps. Being conscious of my breathing and slowing it down when needed also works to calm down and center myself.
Meditating for relaxation is something I intend to start this week too.

I know there’s lots more out there that could help this process, but this is what I’m doing this cycle. So much of the info out there contradicts itself. Who can ever know what truly helps?

Starting again.

Just start. I struggled with depression last winter and I found the only way to pull myself out of it was to just do it. Just start exercising again. Just start eating better. Just start being more positive. There’s no better time than now. Or in the TWW it’s just stop. Just stop thinking about it. Just stop worrying.

Danny Gregory

The road ahead

If you haven’t gone to the gym in a long time, how do you start again?

If you haven’t done a drawing in a long time, how do you start again?

If you haven’t written a blog post in a long time …. how do you start again?

You start by starting. By picking up a pen, a dumbbell, and getting to work. There is no magic trick, there is no massive process for preparation. There is simply the active of sitting down at the computer, opening a new document, and starting to type. It may seem painful, it may seem scary, but all that misery goes away as the first letters march onto the screen.

“What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks ‘the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat.’ And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I…

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On cd 23 I finally got a damn ☺! On cd 24 it appears I actually ovulated. My temp rose for 3 days (today is day 3) and is higher today than it has been since I was pregnant. Let’s hope it stays up for the next 9 months! Fertility friend gave me crosshairs (solid crosshairs) for the first time.

Pre ovulation I felt like crap. Thanks hormones. I had cramping in the few days leading up to it mainly on my right side (the side with a tube) and the cramping on the right woke me up one night. I guess since the ectopic I’m one of the women who can feel ovulation. It’s really nice to know what that all feels like and how my body reacts to ovulation, finally!
Hopefully this means I ovulated from my right ovary too. The day I got my temp rise, I felt great. No more fatigue and bloating. My body loves progesterone. My high temp makes me think my progesterone is in a good place too.

I’ve had twinges on my right side after ovulation. Is it possible to feel the egg travel down the tube? Or does the tube contract to help move it? Since I had an ectopic I’m at a higher risk for it happening again, so I am thinking positively. The twinges are not the egg getting stuck, they’re the egg moving along to where it needs to go.

So obviously cd 24 is a late ovulation, which I thought wouldn’t happen on femara. Maybe taking femara days 3-7 instead of 5-9 will give an earlier ovulation?

Is there any truth to what I’ve read via stupid google that a late ovulation usually involves an older, less than stellar egg? Does late ovulation even actually make a difference?

So, I begin the 2 week wait. *twiddles thumbs*

Thanksgiving morning I will get to test, if AF doesn’t show up by then. I’m going to do my best to not POAS until then. I’d really like to have a BFP to be very thankful for that night.

A day or so before I got my ☺, a spotless ladybug hitched a ride home on my car. There were several more, with spots, waiting on my house. I was hoping they were good luck. Seems like they may have been. First ovulation since May! Hopefully that luck will continue.

For all of you who are waiting on a ☺ or a second line or a heartbeat, good luck to you as well!

Beam Me Up

I just found out that Pink’s song ‘Beam Me Up’ is about a miscarriage. This is probably old news. But I thought I’d share in case I’m not the only one living under a rock.

“There’s a whole ‘nother conversation going on
In a parallel universe.
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.
There’s a waltz playin’ frozen in time
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet
I look at you and you’re lookin’ at me.

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
I think a minute’s enough,
Just beam me up.

Saw a blackbird soarin’ in the sky,
Barely a breath I caught one last sight
Tell me that was you sayin’ goodbye,
There are times I feel the shiver and cold,
It only happens when I’m on my own,
That’s how you tell me I’m not alone

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
I think a minute’s enough,
Just beam me up.

In my head I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there’s
One of me, with you

So when I need you can I send you a sign
I’ll burn a candle and turn off the lights
I’ll pick a star and watch you shine

Just beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute’s enough,
Beam me up
Beam me up
Beam me up
Could you beam me up.”
-Pink

Chart Thoughts?

Hi ladies. I’d consider myself still a newbie at charting simply because I have no idea what my “normal” charts look like. Normal meaning ovulation.

So, I’d like your thoughts on this cycle. As you know since my ectopic I haven’t ovulated. This cycle is my first on Letrozole (Femara) but I’m not being monitored. Here’s my chart:

image

 

I took took femara days 5-9. Started opk tests day 10, all of which have been negative. But I only test once per day in the afternoon. Cd 6 should be a little lower temp because I woke up later. Cd 14 & 17 should be .1 higher as I woke up much earlier. I added a coverline just to try to find a rise.

The past couple days I’ve felt just like I did back when I had a 3 month long anovulatory cycle, plus some light cramping this time. Researching, my symptoms were probably caused by an estrogen dominance that built up over those months. Now, I feel hungry, fatigued, very bloated, and slightly crampy yesterday. I didn’t feel like this last cycle which was 1 month anovulatory. My chart last month was very clearly anovulatory.

My question is, is there any chance I could have ovulated on like cd 11 or 12? Or should I just throw in the towel again and think about contacting my doctor for more provera and a higher dose of femara? Thanks in advance!

I know I’ll find out in a week anyways but I’m impatient and curious and would like another set of eyes.
 

 

Seriously!?

Well, I’m officially pissed off.

Judging by my chart and all negative opk tests when I’m on cd 17 I have the suspicion that even with the drug that’s supposed to make me ovulate, my stupid body still is going to refuse to do so.

I’m giving it until like cd 23 before I get more provera to induce yet another bleed to start yet another now hopeless cycle.

If I indeed don’t ovulate this time, the amount of loathing I will have for this body of mine will be unfathomable. I’m already in a vicious hate cycle with it. I lost my respect for it, so I eat, and then hate it even more.

I know the dose of femara will just increase the next cycle and HOPEFULLY that will do the trick. But who freaking knows right? Because why would my body do what it was designed to do? Why would it function properly? Why would I ovulate?

If I were ovulating and we were not getting pregnant I would not be as upset. Not right away anyways. I know there’s only like a 20% chance each cycle if you ovulate. But it’s sure as hell better than 0%! Right now I am infertile. I don’t just have infertility issues. I’m sterile. Or barren. Or whatever you want to call it.

I’m just pissed off. Each day that passes without the damn smiley face drains more hope. My frown gets bigger and droops more. Grumpy cat has got nothing on me!

 

image

Thanks google for the pic. Found here.

 

There’s still a glimmer of hope that I’m jumping the gun and worrying for nothing. That maybe I missed the lh surge and did ovulate. That maybe I’ll just ovulate late. That maybe even if it doesn’t happen this month, next month it will. But that glimmer is getting dimmer each minute.