Bloody hell

Hi guys. It’s been a while. 

The last I mentioned I’d just been diagnosed with pcos. Which makes perfect sense. All the symptoms are so obvious, and currently driving me nuts. Since changing my diet it’s gotten better but not totally. 

I’m up to 3 metformin pills a day = 1500mg. The day after I went from 2 pills to 3 I started to bleed. 

I haven’t been doing opk this time and I’ve been sporadic with my bbt because I don’t ovulate on my own. I haven’t taken any ovulation inducing meds. My bbt says clearly that I didn’t ovulate. I didn’t have a single ovulation sign physically. So why am I bleeding?

It started as brown spotting which I kind of shrugged off. But now it’s deep red. Hell fire red. And not a little. What gives? 

Being anovulatory (meaning I don’t ovulate) I’ve had cycles much longer than this. But I’ve never had bleeding unless I ovulated. I’m talking about the past year since I’ve been of birth control. 

Has anyone else on metformin experienced this? 

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A little TTC humor

Some new IF Ecards!

being infertile in a fertile world

Because battling fertility problems and getting pregnant after 8 months if trying is the most tragic, heartbreaking thing I’ve ever had to endure. I thought it’d be be appropriate and much needed to lighten the mood. Yes, it still sucks, but I hope these e-cards make you smirk or chuckle at least once.

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The tale of the IVF salesman

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Submitted for the approval of the infertile society, I call this story, ‘the tale of the IVF salesman’.
(If you get the above 90’s tv show reference then we need to be friends. It was the best show.)

Once upon a time, an infertile couple visited the strange land of clinic de fertility…

We had our first RE (reproductive endocrinologist) visit today. The whole experience was nice. I guess. I was so nervous all last night and today, and I don’t quite know why. I sweated so bad (which I hardly ever do) in our consult. I knew 90% of the things he told us.

But given our history he told us our odds of live birth are around or less than 10% naturally, 15% with IUI, and 40-50% with IVF.

I went into the meeting thinking I was going to try some femara monitored cycles with timed intercourse for a few months. Mr. Big and I decided in minutes while we were there that we would be going right to IVF. Mainly because our odds are crap and the last thing we want or need is another ectopic pregnancy. Our ectopic risk naturally or with IUI is pretty high. I have a gut feeling that it’d happen again. My remaining tube is clear, but the cilia may not work (probably don’t work) which means the egg would get stuck.

After the successful IVF sales pitch, it was time for the dildo cam. That’s internal ultrasound for those not intimate with one.

IVF salesman- “There’s your uterus. Looks good. Good size, good shape. There’s your lining. Nice and thick. Not too thin, not too thick. Just right. There’s your left ovary, and those are your eggs.”

Me- “Crap.” There were soooo many eggs (cysts). I already knew what he would say next.

IVF salesman- “There are a lot of eggs! You have PCOS. Look at them all! I can’t even count them!”
He tried. He got to 30, on that ovary. Another 20-30 on the other one.

He seemed rather excited. I’m not sure if it’s the worst pcos and most eggs he’s ever seen, or if he knew IVF was our only option and that thrilled the hell out of him.

The IVF salesman shot out a lot of other facts and plans for the future of my womb, and my many eggs. He knew he had us hooked. Well doc you had me at pcos! IVF is the only option! He gave me a Rx for metformin, which I filled and took in the middle of dinner as instructed.

Mr. Big still needs to get his swimmers tested.

I had many vials of blood taken from the resident vampire in the IVF salesman’s office. Those results will be in, sometime.

Assuming all that is normal, we will be going ahead with IVF in late spring. Much to the delight of the IVF salesman.

PCOS. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I can’t say I didn’t expect it. I mean, I have all the symptoms. Abnormal bleeding when I was a teen, lack of ovulation, infertility, acne (cystic acne), cystic ovaries, some hair where it doesn’t belong, I shed the hair on my head like a cat, I have estrogen dominance, depression, weight gain around the middle. I probably have high testosterone. I always felt like I have.

But just because I expected it doesn’t mean it’s easy to hear. I won’t go into the details of pcos now and what it means for the future. That’s another post. For now, I’m mad. Mad at pcos. Mad at genetics. Mad at IVF. Mad that I can’t have sex and get pregnant. That it’s come to this.

But I’m calm. And I’m happy. Happy that there’s still hope. Happy that IVF exists. Happy to have at least a start of a diagnosis. Happy to have a plan. Happy to be on metformin and stepping in the direction of controlling pcos which is very important.

I have a feeling my next post will be explaining pcos and what I plan to do to try and control it. To live with it.

Due Date

The last week of January is when our sweet pea would’ve been due. I should be holding an infant right now. I should be sleep deprived and a mess on the verge of losing my mind. But I’m not. I’m not anything.

I celebrated our sweet pea’s due date week with a period. After the best and most hopeful ovulation I’ve had since the ectopic. Because, why not? Right, Mother Nature? There wasn’t enough salt in those wounds.

But I didn’t even cry. I felt a sadness and longing sure. But, the tears didn’t even try to come. Part of me thinks I’ve just healed enough to handle all of that. But another part thinks maybe I’m just numb. I honestly don’t know. I got through the week. Somehow fairly easily. Maybe I just kept myself busy enough? Maybe I just pushed it far out of my mind? Maybe I was too focused on what the next steps will be? I’m trying not to stay in a depressed state of mind anyways so maybe it’s just for the best to not feel it. Or whatever I was doing.

Next step? My first RE (reproductive endocrinologist) visit at a fertility clinic. Yup. I’m officially there. Another thing that depresses me. Officially infertile.

Oh, and since this ‘cycle’ is limbo cycle because I’m not on meds while I’m waiting for the RE apt, I’m not ovulating on my own as usual. But hey it’s only cd 17. Can you feel my eye roll?

The Comprehensive List of Infertility Jokes

Love these!

A Father in Phoenix:

I’m not going to claim that any of these jokes are mine. I stole them from here, here, here and here. Thanks to those websites for putting these lists together. The fact is that infertility isn’t funny, and it will never be funny. But, for all of us having to deal with this shit, we have to make the best out of it, which is where these jokes from come. So, enjoy, take your mind off of things for a minute, and hopefully have a laugh.

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dow

ivf-checklist Personal favorite of mine

Thanks for the infertility advice! I feel much better now that I know God's will for me to be depressed, broke, and physically screwed up. I think I'll 'just adopt!'When you say everything happens for a reason, don't be surprised when I slap you in the face. It happened for a reason.

Oh, it took you two whole months to get pregnant? Boo frickity hoo.

I apologize for the shit I said to you while I was on clomid.

IVF: Taking the fun out of procreation since 1978.

Is it a full moon? No, she's on fertility drugs.

On my honor I will try to not slap the next pregnant woman I see complaining about how much it sucks to be pregnant.

Thanks for telling me to just have sex if I want to get pregnant. I've spent thousands on fertility treatments and never thought of that.

I'm on clomid. What's your bullshit excuse?

Yes, honey. Of course I think giving you two-inch needle injections into your butt muscle every night is sexy.

Nope. Still not pregnant but thanks for pointing out how fat I've gotten.

I hear he's IVF. Like way wanted.

Ryan Gosling: Hey girl, let's increase the fertility rate.

Thanks-for-the-infertility-advice


  1. How does an RE like his eggs?
    Over 20mm!
  2. Why did the RE cross the road?
    Because there was an affluent, infertile woman in her 30s on the other side.
  3. Why does it take 50 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
    Because they won’t ask for directions either!
  4. Two sperm were swimming through a woman’s body.
    The…

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Bad Gas!

Ugh so true! I didn’t know what to do to make my pain better. Next time I know.

Bloomin' Uterus

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As much as I’d like to giggle, I’m not talking the *funny* kind of gas.  I’m referring to the Carbon Dioxide case trapped in your body after a laparoscopic surgery. Approximately 35-80% of patients who undergo a laparoscopic surgery complain of shoulder pain.  It is reportedly supposed to last for up to 72 hours, but some women have the ongoing pain for longer (mine lasted a few days longer).

During a laparoscopic surgery, Carbon Dioxide is injected into our abdomens to create a distended abdomen, a big balloon, so the surgeons can look around inside without all of our crammed organs in the way.  Some of that gas remains in our systems after surgery, causing pain. There are a few theories as to what causes the post-op pain in our shoulders:

1) your shoulder hurts because the trapped CO2 gas;

2) the CO2 gas causes “cellular death” and nerve irritation, which travels upward and manifests…

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Sisterhood blog award 2 (or 3 or 4)…

sisterhoodoftheworldbloggersaward

I have recently been nominated a few times for this award since the first time. I never thought my little blog would get 120+ followers let alone several (or any) blog award nominations. So thank you to all who nominated me! This latest one is from Kim at saltinthewomb.blogspot.com. Thank you! Perusing the questions, and considering it’s a snow day, I had to answer them.

I have done this before so I’m not nominating anyone else or writing questions for them. If you haven’t been nominated yet, consider yourself nominated! Instead of me asking you 10 questions, you can just give 10 random facts about yourself. Hey, it’s a snow day. We got like 18 inches. The snow drifts were half way up my SUV, tucking it in. I’m obligated to be lazy.

 

1. Who is your blog idol?

I don’t really have one. I follow a lot of funny, inspiring, awesome bloggers. I just want to make people smile, or feel less alone.

2. What song do you sing loudest in the shower?

I don’t. Not since high school. Singing leads to white girl dancing. That leads to slip and falls. I don’t need a concussion.

3. What’s your favorite curse word to yell at your ovaries?

Fuck! What the fuck!? But I’ve been practicing self-love this year, quite well. I’ve learned the hard way that no amount of yelling, cursing, or much of anything really will make me ovulate. So I’m in the acceptance phase. I’m giving my body a break and showing it I still care.

4. You get to meet one of your favorite fictional characters. Who is it?
Dean Winchester. If you know who that is, no explanation is needed. If not, watch the tv show Supernatural.
Here’s a pic for those who don’t know. (thanks google image search for the pic)
dean winchester
5. What do you think about when you need to smile?

Summer. My honeymoon. Any good times with Mr. Big.

6. If you could switch careers and be awesome at something other than what you currently do, what would it be?

Travel writer/blogger. Someone who gets paid to travel and write about how awesome it is.  But only warm, pretty places. With sand, palm trees, and someone bringing me daiquiri every time I finish one.

7. What’s your go-to “I didn’t have time to do my hair” style?

Twisted and clipped up. I don’t know what it’s called or what the clip is called. It’s like jaws for hair. I don’t have the hairdresser gene most girls do. I wore a ponytail for the first 15 years of my life. A low pony.

8. Taylor Swift or Katy Perry? YOU HAVE TO PICK ONE. If you want to.

Ugh if I HAVE to pick, Katy Perry. Better songs.

9. Would you rather legally change your last name to Hitler or never eat chocolate again?

Hitler.

10. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you love Benedict Cumberbatch? (If it’s below 5, I don’t know if we can be friends.)

Sorry but 0. I don’t really know who he is. I know the name. But I can’t even picture the face. So obviously I’m not a fan.