😳

So I think I just ovulated. On my own. I can hardly believe it. 

The last time I ovulated on my own was about 11 months ago, and that was right after I stopped the pill and it wound up being ectopic pregnancy. 

The odds of me getting pregnant and it being in the right spot are like 5%. That’s not even an exaggeration. Just my odds of ever doing this on my own. 

Needless to say, I’m only excited because my body is doing something right. The meds for pcos and hypothyroidism are working I guess. 

So if I have a normal luteal phase of 14 days, my period should start exactly when I was going to call the clinic to start our IVF procedure. Which is perfect timing. If it’s a short luteal phase then the timing is a bit off, a little early. But either way when I get my period I’m calling the clinic to start IVF. My body agrees apparently. It’s getting even more real now. 

Of course there’s my 5% chance. There’s a tiny part of me, about the size of a gnat, that is hopeful this cycle. I’m really trying to squish this gnat. But it keeps buzzing around saying things like “how awesome would it be to just get pregnant now? Now that you’ve already gone in debt over the IVF meds. Now just before you were going to do IVF.”

Wouldn’t it be awesome to be the fertility unicorn? 

SPLAT! 

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My latest diagnosis

At one of my last blogs I had just been diagnosed with pcos. Not too long ago I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism. There’s so much working against us.  That’s how it feels anyways. So much unbalanced. So many deficiencies. Such a high chance of miscarriage if anything does stick. A thyroid imbalance also apparently really increases the risk of having an ausistic child. I’m on pills for ever now. I’m really hoping that’s enough of a correction to lessen all that’s working against me. 

So much is messed up with me. Mr. Big? Oh his swimmers are top notch! I’m glad it’s one less thing working against us. But it sucks sometimes being the one that screws everything up. The one with the messed up body. The one that can’t do the one thing a woman is supposed to do. My body was literally made to produce a baby. Well I guess not my body specifically. But the crack whore down the street, her body sure was. 

Since being on the metformin and the thyroid pills, I have started feeling better. I’ve lost weight too. The thyroid pills especially. I’ve got more energy and I’m happier. Still not ovulating, but that doesn’t really matter anyways. I’m also on vitamin d. Living in the north means I’m super deficient. More good news I got from my clinic. 

That sums it up for now. Hopefully good news will follow soon. After the IVF. Wishful thinking. 

Am I really doing this?

So, last week I put the $2k for the IVF meds on the credit card that I got specifically for that. 😬

Friday, the meds arrived. Some in the fridge, some on the dining room table. 

2 1/2 weeks ish until I call the clinic to start the process of our 1st IVF. I paid for it, so there’s no turning back now. Ok, the credit company paid. It’s going to take a while until I pay them. 

But it’s still sinking in that we are really doing this. The long list of possible side effects and the needles are scary. Ok, the whole damn thing is scary. I’m excited to get this started though. 

I’m hopeful. 

Snow Day Bonus: Top 10 Reasons I Love Kathy Griffin

Reblogging because I love it that much. I have always loved (and always will) Kathy Griffin and Judge Judy. And now I really wish Kathy would come anywhere near where I live.

infertilityhonesty

It’s pop culture time. (And it also happens to be a snow day here in parts of the north-east. I haven’t heard complete reports, but I’m hoping my childhood stomping grounds of suburban Bean Town finally got spared).

Yes, there are other angles of the child free not by choice platform that are undoubtedly more substantive. The weightier issues of those who don’t parent are many. However it’s nice to hear someone speaking my language, even if but in the form of entertainment that’s not meant to be taken too seriously. Therefore I’d like to give a lighthearted nod to two gloriously unapologetic female celebrities with sound minds and big mouths, one a parent and one not, who actually make sense (even amid a world that on many days no longer does to me).

Comedy is often just the right salve for struggle and angst, but I’m not about to…

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