The Value of those without Children in Society

Re-blogging this because I know this to be true. I have experienced all of this all my life. I wish it would change but know that it won’t. Thanks to the author for posting this!

A Few Pieces Missing From Normalcy - An Infertile Man's Perspective

I’m going to write this piece as politely as possible and my intention is to get everyone to think rather than offend people.  This piece also is not directed at any one person as this is a societal norm.

Until infertility came along I never fully recognized the bias society has towards those with children.  In the work place in families, in the media and everyday life people with children are given a break more so than those without children.  If you have two employees one has kids who can’t stay late because of their kids softball/baseball game and the other doesn’t have kids but has a dinner date with their spouse it’s easy to know which one will have to stay late.  Same goes for families with aging parents where the sibling without kids has to take on the responsibility of taking care of their parents rather than the…

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Numb

Today it became beta official. Bfn for IVF 2. 

Next steps? IVF 3. Starting when I get the horrendous after IVF AF I go in for a baseline and then start a long protocol. That’s 2 months for an IVF cycle. 1 month is birth control and lupron down regulation (thanks pcos). Then I have a consult with the big dr. and start the stims. 

Honestly, I’m not going to be blogging much. I might update with the protocol in August. But I’m going to enjoy not thinking of IVF and IF for a while. I’m going to try to focus on my marriage for the next month instead of baby making. It’ll be a kind of break.  I still have to eat strictly for healthy eggs etc. But I’m having some booze now because how can I not when I just had another failed IVF? With 2 little embryos this time. I’m numb. 

Déjà vu

I feel like I was just here. I just did an IVF cycle resulting in a beautiful fresh transfer. And then 14 days past egg collection I pee on a FRER and get that one damn line and snow white not even a hint of a line BFN. It’s 11dp3dt. We had our only 2 embryos transferred at day 3. My beta should be today but since it’s a holiday the clinic is closed for the weekend. So my beta is Monday. But I have zero hope it’ll surprise me. Could it? Yes. Absolutely. Will it? No. I feel bfn. Big fat negative.  Big fat nothing. 

IVF 2 was pretty different than the 1st. I had the big guy, the head RE that created the clinic and is supposedly one of the best in the country see me through each step. 

We used menopur only and had to increase it at the end to 4 vials a night. 

Ganirelix and then lupron trigger like last time. 

The cycle was looong because my eggs stalled for a bit in their growth. Hence increasing the dose. 

We got 6 eggs. 3 were mature and injected via ICSI.  2 fertilized and became the embryos we transferred at day 3. Who also had assisted hatching. 

But my body was in much better shape for transfer this time. My estrogen and progesterone were where they needed to be.  I didn’t get ohss. I took a med to prevent ohss. I took baby aspirin like last time. I was put on a steroid to decrease inflammation this time too. I did acupuncture right after transfer and again 5 days later. I did everything right. I was on turmeric too to decrease inflammation. 

(to recap IVF 1 we got 25 eggs, 20 injected, and 2 day 5 blasts, one we transferred bfn and one on ice) 

I feel very left behind. I have seen so many others get BFP and have babies and I can’t even get pregnant when the lives are placed inside me. I’m not even sad right now. I’m pissed. What testing do I need from here to find out what’s wrong with me? I definitely need to get a consult with the big guy for a WTF appointment. 

I feel like we are both willing to do IVF 3 but idk how much more Mr. Big will be able to handle. I want to keep going as much as possible to the end of the year. So at least 2 more IVF and hopefully a FET. Going to another IVF next is us trying to get more embies to freeze. So we can do FET after. But the way things have been going idk if we will get any more to freeze. And if the one we have doesn’t thaw well, that’s it. 

So I’d have to wait a month from here before doing IVF 3. More waiting. More wasted time. More people moving on and getting their happy endings and rainbows leaving me behind in the barren dry dust.