Transfer

I woke up at 5am and couldn’t fall back to sleep. Partly because it felt like Christmas morning. Partly because my butt hurt so bad and was spasming thanks to the PIO shot. 😖

When it was time, I put on my lucky kitty socks from My Perfect Breakdown and grabbed the very positive book she sent me. 

  
I’m ready.

I got accupuncture just before the transfer. As well as a Valium to relax the muscles so there was no spasming or contracting. If you have the option and are not driving yourself, take the Valium! 

The RE came in and showed us or embryos. We wound up with 1 graded 4AB and 1 graded 3 AA. Given our circumstance he/we decided to put one in and freeze the other. The 3AA is frozen (I just hope it thaws when we need it). The 4AB is hopefully making a home in my uterus. Which was “standing upright” for the procedure. I’ve never heard that before. Thanks swollen ovaries. So naturally it took him 4 tries to get the practice catheter in place. The loaded catheter went in fine. There was discomfort. There was pressure. There was pinching. But no part of this process is comfortable, is it? It was quick though. I layed down for a little after that and went home, where I got more acupuncture. 

Acupuncture really helped. It warmed me up and seriously relaxed me. I’m going back for “implantation acupuncture” Saturday. 

I’m taking it easy today. But not on bed rest. Apparently the uterus likes you to sit up, not lay down, and have light movement. According to Mr. Big’s research anyways. 

My blood pregnancy test is Friday May 8th. I have no idea how long it takes to get those results. Wishing for a sticky, healthy embaby. 

Mr. Big has really stepped up. I’m on progesterone now which my body loves. So I’m not such an emotional wreck. I’m sure that helps us both. But I think it’s finally ‘real’ for him. He got to see the embaby on the ultrasound in my upright uterus. He’s looking up all sorts of info on what to do in the TWW and how to take care of me. It makes me happy. He makes me happy. 

Sidenote, I never had to really think about all the things you need to do and not do when pregnant. I didn’t think I would be. And I’m not yet. PUPO is a bit different. But I need to eat and act pregnant. The nurse said to avoid salmon because of the mercury. I thought salmon was one of the better ones?  If you have credible sources I can look up of what to do and what not to do, could you post a link? It’s very odd to act pregnant with an embaby on board. And I want to take care of it! What do you do in the IVF TWW? 

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There’s a secret to being fertile?

This week I was able to do something rare, something I never get to do. I cancelled one of my classes to do a fertile secret yoga workshop. I did a class for myself. It was fabulous. It was a support group/yoga for fertility class/acupuncture/aromatherapy all in one. Fertile secret is an odd title. Like the fertile people know something we don’t, and they’re not telling. Rude.

We started off talking about what brought us there and what we were feeling in the moment. It was the first time I have been in a room physically with people going through similar struggles. People who understood every raw emotion. Just being there listening to them made me tear up. It was therapeutic. It made me want to do something like that every week.

We did some gentle yoga for fertility which felt great. It was mostly relaxing, except for the one couple in the room who kept whispering loudly to each other.

The acupuncturists came in and placed needles. I had the girl I usually see. I got a needle in the top of my head which was a first for me. Being in a room with others I wasn’t able to relax as I usually do. A couple of them fell asleep and snored softly. Glad I’m not the only one who does that. I felt the top of the head needle go in and it was a little uncomfortable for a few seconds. I did notice though that if my mind wandered and I got stressed at all I could feel the needles until I relaxed again. Once I relaxed, I was unaware they were in. Funny how that works.

I had a lavender oil cotton ball on my left shoulder, and a citrus one on my right. They smelled heavenly. I have got to find out what those oils were exactly.

I also recently received a yoga for fertility DVD from Dawn at Our Greatest Desire. Thank you so much! The live yoga for fertility classes in my area are booked and the times don’t work well with my schedule. These DVDs will help. I love that it’s a different section for each stage of the cycle! I was able to get one follicular in before moving on to my most important one, ovulatory.

Well, let’s hope it’s actually ovulatory for me this cycle. I know it’s early (like day 11) and very unlikely I’ll ovulate before cd 14, but not seeing that smiley face on my opk every day adds stress and sadness and kills my hope a little. Even though I know better. If I didn’t have to chart and opk (I’m not being monitored or anything) I totally would skip it. This is where the yoga will come in handy.

If you’ve been here, how did you deal? How did you keep the “what if the meds don’t produce ovulation” thoughts at bay? Because my realist mind has that nagging in it.

I just accepted this week that I no longer am fertile with a loss. I am dealing with infertility issues. After the ectopic I clung to the thought that I must be fertile at least because it was so easy to get pregnant with the ectopic. Mr. Big’s swimmers must be great. The only thing wrong with me was my tube which is gone now. HA! Acceptance, by the way, is overrated.

The Big O, or lack there of.

Cd 18. Another – opk. If I were going to ovulate ‘on time’ (by cd 21) wouldn’t I have a LH surge by now? How bad is ‘late’ ovulation? I of course have heard of late ovulators getting a BFP but I have no idea how those pregnancies turned out. How long do I wait once cd 21 comes and goes before going back to the doctor?

I have heard that women are ‘more fertile’ after the HSG test because it can clear out mucus etc in the tubes. Since I’m at a higher risk for another ectopic I’ll take all the help I can get cleaning my lonely tube so I don’t have to go through that again. BUT what the hell good is that if I don’t friggin’ ovulate!? How long after the HSG would the tube be more cleared? One cycle, three?

If I don’t ovulate and go to the doctor what do I do? I’d like to go the vitex route I think but that takes so long to start working. Again, how long would the tube be cleared out for? But what else is there? Clomid? Clomid scares me. The side effects plus dropping more than 2 eggs at a time. I could handle twins. Mr. Big doesn’t want twins but damnit I/we want 2 kids so why not get it out of the way in one shot if I can? It’s my vagina damnit. 🙂 But if I get 3+ ready to drop then I have to skip that cycle right? That could be even more wasted time.

Have any of you dealt with anovulation? I’d love to hear your stories. If you have taken vitex I’d also like to hear how it worked for you, what it did for you. Same with Clomid.

I’m so mad right now. Sure I have a little hope I’ll ovulate by cd 21 or just ovulate late. But given my last few months and my negative nancy/ realistic mood I’m trying to prepare for the worst. My body flat out refuses to let me even try to get pregnant. Infuriating. Ttc is all I can focus on lately. My body just continues to add insult to injury. If it were an employee I would have fired it by now!

My acupuncturist wants me to do another session if I’m not ovulating, but I can’t afford another $60 for it this month. I’ve done 2 already.

I’m emotionally snacking right now. 😦 It doesn’t help anything I know. But dark chocolate goji berry candies are delicious.

I’m done venting. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any experience you can share.

Ov-yuh-leyt

So judging by my temps, that spike I had was not early ovulation. Thank goodness! Acupuncture number 3 today to encourage ovulation. Please work tiny needles.

Even if I don’t get a BFP this cycle I’d really like to know if I’m ovulating on my own. If I’m not, what is my next step? Clomid? I’m trying to avoid that. I got vitex but haven’t taken it yet. I have heard very mixed things about it. I’m not messing with it until I know for sure if I’m even ovulating anymore. What else can I do to ovulate? Punch my ovaries? That’s what I’ll feel like doing anyways.

Off topic, on that friend I discussed in my last post. She ‘apologized’ via text out of the blue but it was a “I’m sorry, but…” apology which isn’t really an apology. My dilemma now is do I tell her I’m not comfortable letting her know what I’ve been through and
A) let her know what topics are off limit to discuss with me, which will kind of give away that I am having issues related to getting pregnant/pregnancy loss
OR
B) avoid those topics when she brings them up, change the subject, and pretend it doesn’t bother me while biting my tongue?
Or something else? I’m trying to stay as relaxed and stress free as I can to get my body back on track. I can’t go and undo my acupuncture.

Just a little prick.

I love tattoos. I’m kind of addicted. I have 6.

I hate any other needles, like having my blood drawn.

But I LOVE acupuncture. Granted, it’s not nearly the same as a tattoo or blood draw.

I have only had 2 sessions so far. My first was a month ago, my second was yesterday, my third is next week.

The first one we went over why I was there (not ovulating, fertility, the ectopic). She looked at my bbt chart, and checked my tongue. The tongue can tell them a lot about our health, but I’m not sure what specifically or what she was looking for. Be prepared to get detailed with your acupuncturist. We discussed my bowel movements.

I laid down on my back on a wonderful heated table with a heater on my ever frigid feet. She placed the needles in my feet, hands, abdomen, and one in my forehead. It sounded like she snapped them into my skin with a rubber band. It did not feel like that though. I didn’t watch so I can’t tell you how they are put in. I felt some of them go in, in the form of pressure or a sharp pinch. The pinch ones I could still feel briefly. Eventually I couldn’t feel any. She twisted or tweaked some as needed. Then she left me alone for a good half hour.

It took a little while to relax but not as long as I thought it would. Eventually I just melted away. A weird sensation I had was my arms felt like they disappeared. They didn’t fall asleep, it just felt like they had vanished. Like my arms were so relaxed that my muscles wouldn’t even twitch. Light as a feather. I think I may have dozed off a little too toward the end of my alone time.

She came back in, took out the needles, discussed how I felt, and that was it. There were 2 spots where I could tell I bled a little. Just a little pin prick type of bled. Not even a full drop escapes. Nothing to worry about.  I was super relaxed. Just as much or more than when I get a massage. Surprisingly. I got a head rush followed by a little headache afterwords. She told me to hydrate more and that it could just be my body detoxing. I didn’t get one after the second session so I’m guessing she was right. This one session did not make/help me ovulate, but I expected that. It did relax me and make me feel better overall. That feeling lasted a few days. I felt the need to rush less too.

Session 2. Again we discussed my health and recent bodily events in detail. I told her I had a HSG test the following day and wanted to make sure my tube wasn’t in a spasm for it. I’ve read acupuncture can help with tube spasms. It cannot however unblock a tube.

This time I laid on my stomach. Needles were placed in my feet, ankles, wrists, and low back. She wanted to increase blood flow to my uterus. She hooked up a machine to the needles in my back and it felt like a massage. It was like little electric currents running through. Pulsing. It kind of made me nervous but eventually I couldn’t feel it anymore. Again, I relaxed and was almost dozing off. 30 minutes of alone time and the needles were out.

She did put in needles to go though. Sounds weird I know. They are tiny needles like 1/4 of a thumb tac if that. They’re attached to a band aid type adhesive. They look like minuscule thumb tacs on a bandaid. She put one on each leg above the inner ankle to open up my cervix and prevent spasms for the HSG. I had instructions to gently press on them if I got nervous before the test, which I did. I showered with these on that night, and slept with them on. I was weirded out at first but got used to them and all was fine. After my HSG test I took them out.image

 

Not the best pic.  The square is the size of my pinky finger nail. Under the square band aid is the little needle.

I have no idea if my tube spasms or if it ever has. This was just a precaution to prevent it from spasming if I could help it. There’s no way I want to go through another HSG. So I can’t say for sure that the acupuncture did anything physically but I didn’t have a spasm. My cervix was open, at least enough to get the catheter in without pain. Seemingly, acupuncture did it’s job. But again at the very least, it relaxed me thoroughly when I needed it most. I’m going back next week for a session to encourage ovulation.

The downside is the cost. $60 per session. My insurance may cover some of these, I still have to check that out. Even if they do reimburse me, it’s still $60 upfront. To me that can be a big deal. Especially several times a month. I’m still paying off my ectopic surgery. But right now, it’s worth a shot.

It is certainly not going to hurt anything, so why not give it a try?

 

They made a balloon animal in your what?

HSG test = done!

Let me start by thanking all of you for telling me about your HSG experiences. I concluded after reading them that there was no way I could predict how my test would go. All I could do was pop a pill and prepare to get poked.

I don’t handle pain down there very well so I knew it would hurt. I kept telling myself that if I could get through hours of unmedicated pain from my tube rupture then I could handle 10 minutes more. No problem.

I took 800mg of ibuprofen 45 minutes before the test. Hubby drove me as I wasn’t sure what I’d feel like after the fact. Not going to lie, I was kind of nervous. The nerves were made worse by the facts that 1) my doctor couldn’t be there and 2) I had to go to the same place I had my first ultrasound at. As I mentioned in a previous post I wasn’t a huge fan of the techs there or they way they handled my situation. But I had 2 different women this time, both very nice and informative. They explained what would happen and before each step they reiterated it.

1) Speculum to open me up. Ok, no pain just awkward and pressure.

2) Washing the cervix 3 times with solution on a giant q-tip. Again, ok. I barely felt it.

3) Insertion of the catheter. Tech A described the catheter as a thin piece of spaghetti. Honestly the entry into the cervix was ok. But getting it placed kind of sucked. Pinchy, crampy pain. Then they had me slide back on the table, which pulled it out a bit. So getting it readjusted was again not fun. Slight break in pain until step 4.

4) Blowing up the balloon to open the cervix. Ouch! With all the pinching and cramping it felt like they were making a little balloon animal in my va-jay-jay. No, I didn’t get a little balloon doggy at the end of all this either. They might consider starting that. imageThis was very bad until the balloon was full. Then a brief break until step 5. Ok it wasn’t really a break, but the pain stopped increasing. I was told to practice Lamaze breathing and take big deep breaths. Easier said than done. I was told to relax and not fight it. My brain was telling me these things too but my body had other plans. I am not sure how I’ll handle giving birth if this little bit was so awful. (But I do hope I get the chance to find out!)

5) Dye. More increasing pain as my uterus filled up. I was watching everything happen on the screen, trying to take my mind off the pain. It didn’t really work. It felt like I had a very full bladder that I’d been holding for far too long plus a whole lot of cramping and pinching.

Then just like that it was over. Everything was deflated and removed in record speed, thankfully. I was laid out like I’d been hit by a bus, content not to move.

Results: My uterus looks good, no abnormalities seen. My lonely little tube is wide open! Hallelujah! Thank you for the positive thoughts! I know it doesn’t mean the cilia in the tube will work but it’s one less thing to worry about.

After the test I was expecting dye, not blood. 😦 Tech A said I may spot but it wouldn’t be like AF. So far it’s like a light AF but seems to be stopping now. I had some slight cramping after for a few hours but that seems to be stopping too. Also, I know some people had to take antibiotics for the HSG but they mentioned nothing about that to me.  Wondering why?

 

Next Chapter: Acupuncture

 

HSG test. What was your experience?

Have you done a HSG test? The one where they shoot dye up your who-ha to see if your tubes are open.

My first one is tomorrow afternoon. I only have one tube. The other one that is missing now caused an ectopic pregnancy so I’m very worried my remaining one will be blocked.

I’ve rather stupidly looked up online what to expect from this test as I had no clue. From what I’ve read it’s either fast and easy with minimal pain/cramping or it’s the worst thing ever done.

It seems those who have both tubes and they’re clog free have an easy, painless experience. Those who have one or both tubes clogged experienced the horrible pain.

If you have only one tube and did this test I’m especially curious how your HSG test went. But I would like to hear all experiences with this test. Good and bad.

I’m doing my second acupuncture ever today in an effort to relax and promote a spasm free tube tomorrow. Because tube spasms can make it appear that there’s a blockage when there isn’t.

Wish me luck! Thoughts and positive vibes for an easy test with a clean and clear tube please!

How did your test go?