So in the past week I’ve taken up knitting. Arm knitting and finger knitting. I’m obsessed. It gives me something to do aside from be on electronics. Something productive. This is one reason I’ve been so quiet. I’m getting better at it, but each scarf teaches me more. I think I’ve undone each project 3 times before finishing it. Next step, a big ass blanket.
I’ve also started going to fertility yoga once a week with a friend of mine who is also having a hard time making a baby. It’s part support group and part yoga. It’s nice to do something for me. To actually schedule it in. It’s nice to be with others who feel as helpless as me.
In lack of baby making news, it’s cd 16 and not a positive opk in sight. The line is faint but very slowly getting darker. I think. We will see. Even if it’s another cd 24 ovulation, it’s still an ovulation and I’ll take it. Are my ovaries just lazy??
I realized that an herbal blend for libido I was taking earlier in the year, when I did ovulate and get pregnant, actually had several herbs that help regulate cycles in it. I have one more round of femara to try before I quit it and go herbal. I’ve got to say I’m not too hopeful about femara. As far as getting pregnant on it. Maybe increasing the dose next time will get an earlier ovulation? Maybe I just need to go back to the herbs.
Obviously all I want is to get pregnant. But I’ve been trying not to obsess lately. Hence the knitting. Trying is the key word. I’ve still been following blogs, even though I haven’t written much. It seems like almost everyone else is pregnant. So many in the IF community have gotten their elusive BFP and I’m thrilled for them. But, then there’s me. Feeling increasingly lonely on this isle of no baby. I have long cycles right now and maybe that’s part of why I feel this way, but each cycle feels like an eternity. My last one was 33 days but felt like 3 months. I’m on cd 16 but it feels like at least cd 30.
Meanwhile Christmas is approaching fast. Everywhere else it seems that time is speeding up. Just not when it comes to my uterus/ovaries.
I don’t have much else to say. I’m exhausted. This week I’ve been so tired each day from the moment I wake up that I could fall asleep standing up. I can’t remember the last time I was this beat. I’m not getting sick or anything. It’s probably just more hormonal imbalance. Yay.
If you can’t tell, this has been a very Debbie downer cycle. Probably another reason I haven written much. When I put my yarn down I’ll try to jot more here. 🙂
On a completely unrelated note, if you like twisted horror movies, you may want to check out tusk. But I warn you, it’ll stick with you. I think it’s the most disturbing movie I may have ever seen. I don’t know why it bugs me more than others either. But one I really loved was As Above, So Below. Not disturbing, just scary. Loved it. I’ll leave you with that.
My life. Horror movies and yarn.