Falling off the wagon.

Ok, I took a running dive off the damn thing this weekend.

I indulged this weekend, to say the least. Pretty sure I’ve got a good start on clogging some arteries, bringing on diabetes, and killing my liver. Why? Because I stopped giving a damn. Because I’m so pissed off at my body. Because what’s another 5 lbs on top of the 15 I gained courtesy of my whacked out hormones. Because it’s not like I’m ovulating so I can’t hurt anything right now anyways. I’m a cynical bitch.

But this has got to stop. The depression and anger aren’t being helped by beer, wine, sugar, and cheese. In fact it makes it ten times worse. The fertility, or lack there of, certainly isn’t being helped.

This weekend was go out with a bang weekend. “Eat all the things!!!” Tomorrow I start taking care of my body again. If I really want to attempt to grow a human I’ve got to start now.

I’ve done the advocare 24 day challenge with great results a year ago. But it’s $200 (I’m broke) and you can’t take it if you get pregnant. So, I’ll do the food side without the pills. Basically it’s a common sense lifestyle change.

No sugar.
No simple carbs.
Limit carbs as much as possible, and make them complex.
Protein, veggies, some fruit.
No processed crap.
No fats like butter. *cries*
Limited dairy.
Portion control!
Basically if I don’t make it, I don’t eat it. Unless it’s grilled. Or salad with no dressing.

Cardio, cardio, cardio, barre. 💪

I just need to stay motivated. I need to handcuff myself to the wagon with instructions for everyone not to release me, no matter what I say or how I beg.

It’s going to be a big change. I’m going to be shell shocked. It’s not going to be easy. Mr. Big will bring all sorts of sugar and deliciousness into the house and I MUST ignore it.

I also want to get a yoga for fertility DVD once I have some $. There’s a fertility center nearby that’s doing a yoga for fertility class that I might try to attend. I’m not a client there so I’m not sure if I can though.

Wish me luck. I’ll need it. I need to be strong and determined. I need to have faith that it’ll be better and worth it in the long run.

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