Bad news

We had 18 fertilized eggs on Saturday. Today, we have 2 embryos and maybe a 3rd that they’re watching. 

I’m so mad. And of course crying my eyes out. 

They called to give me the option to transfer early day 4 or wait to see if any make it to day 5. 

I opted so far to have them call me tomorrow morning day 4 and update me about them and then I’ll decide. 

What would you do? If you’ve been through this what did you do?

I’m devestated because getting 25 eggs in the first place had my stupid hopes up for lots of embryos and some to freeze. Now this. There’s a very real chance that none will survive to day 5. I have no more words. 

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25

Egg collection or retrieval or whatever you want to call it happened 24 hours ago. 

We got 25 eggs. I’m waiting on a call this morning to tell me how many fertilized and when our transfer will be. 

The embryologist talked me into ICSI which I was very against going into it. But now I know that they select only sperm that “aren’t chasing their tails” and have good motility and morphology. They also can look at the eggs and their maturity with ICSI versus regular fertilization. ICSI has a slightly higher rate of fertilization as well. 

I’ve got to tell you, I’ve felt like increasing crap every single day since this IVF cycle started. I’ve been a bloated hormonal mess who may or may not have fantasized briefly about torturing or maming Mr. Big. I saw someone write about sitting down and feeling as though she’s sitting on her ovaries, and I get it now. I felt like I was sitting on them and walking on them. My point is, I don’t want to go through stims again. (The growing of the eggs, stimulating the ovaries). So I need max fertilization odds. 

However, I’m not sure if my insurance covers ICSI. They cover the rest of IVF. In the moment I totally forgot about $. If they don’t cover it, I’m screwed. And it’s kind of too late now. ICSI is $$$$. On top of the several thousand I already spent on meds. If I need to cover the ICSI portion, idk what I’ll do. But I’m trying not to worry about that now. 

Even though I don’t know when the transfer will be yet, I do know when my beta (or blood hcg or blood pregnancy test) is. Friday May 8.  2 weeks from my retrieval. And yes, I’ll be peeing on a stick before that appointment. I’m weak. And impatient. 

Another note on retrieval…the aftermath is freaking painful! I’m on Tylenol and using a heating pad and it still really hurts. Better 24 hours later after a good sleep but not where I can do my job (fitness instructor) or do much of anything. Going to the bathroom is surprisingly painful too. Tmi. But it feels like I’m going to pee my ovaries right out! That’s also getting better (I think?).

Now I have a whole bunch of meds I have to shove up my who ha and progesterone in oil to shoot up. I’ve heard nightmares about PIO. I have no idea how to use it either. Going to call the clinic to get details. I’m sure I’ll update when I hear how the fertilization is going. Fingers crossed. I guess fingers are just crossed for the next 2 weeks. And beyond. 
Also, if you nominated me for a blog award could you please comment? I know I have several out there I need to address, but it’s not showing up in my notifications. Thanks!