It’s over.

My temp dropped this morning. Meaning the red witch will make her grand entrance today.

This was a cycle of hope and positivity. This was my last cycle with my ob. My last medicated cycle. This cycle had to work, or else.

Welcome to or else.

This was the best cycle I’ve had since the first one which I got pregnant with the ectopic in. (9 months ago) A good strong ovulation on cd 13, a beautiful temp rise and great temps the whole time, and a 14 day luteal phase!

Those who say your luteal phase length can’t change are wrong! Now it doesn’t mean my luteal phase will be 14 days always (especially now) but I know it’s possible with the right dose of femara.

What’s next?
I have to pick a RE. One I don’t want to go to and they have a very long wait time to get in. But, they will most likely let me do medicated cycles with femara with monitoring. Which is all I can afford to do. Barely.

The other doesn’t let me do that. But if I ever can do IUI or IVF that’s the place I’d go to.

So I pay $300 for a consult at place A, wait months for said consult, and hope my one tube and the right drugs can do the trick. Or I’d then (after 6 months) have to pay another $300 for a consult at B to start IUI. Because I can’t afford IVF ever. IVF would be my best option though. With one tube and ectopic risk and all.

This blows.

While I’m waiting I’m going herbal. I’m going to try everything short of black market femara to make my body ovulate. I’m still on the fence about vitex though. I wish I could just get femara over the counter. This would be so much easier.

I’m not mad at my body anymore. I’m mad at the universe. I’m mad at all the fertiles. I’m mad at the celebs who can afford 16 IUI and 20 IVF and finally get a baby from it. Only then do they talk about their infertility. At least they can freaking afford all that. At least they got a baby.

Anyways. Onward through the fog. Wish me luck. I feel like I’ll need it.

Salty Surprise

If you have played cards against humanity you may have seen the awesome salty surprise card. If you haven’t played, go do it.

Upstate NY is a salty surprise today. After all the crap weather has cleared up and streets are clear again, there’s salt everywhere. I could wash my poor car twice a day (but it’s too cold to do so) and it wouldn’t matter. There’s clouds of salt on the road instead of snow. Salt in my house. Salt in my car. Salt on my dog (the pet safe kind). This has nothing to do with ectopics or infertility, I just felt like sharing.

Where am I on my quest to make a baby? Well thanks to the higher dose of Femara I ovulated. On cd 13!!! I feel like a kid on Christmas morning I’m so excited! Starting 2015 out right!

I’m not sure about our timing of baby dancing as I wasn’t expecting to ovulate in a timely manner. But we bd 4 days before ovulation, day of ovulation, and day after ovulation. I ovulated the same day or night of my +opk. I’m not sure which side I ovulated from either. Last time I really felt it. This time I’ve had some discomfort on my left side (the tubeless side) but that’s really it. No obvious popping.

I’ve made it a goal (not a resolution) to do yoga for fertility every day in 2015. Bare minimum is legs up wall pose for 5 mins. I’m doing good so far. Mr. Big even does legs up wall before bed with me! So far of 3 (medicated) cycles, the one cycle I didn’t do yoga in I didn’t ovulate in.

I’ve been more positive too. I notice the times my thoughts turn negative or pessimistic (or realistic) and I turn them into positive ones. The yoga has helped me breathe and meditate. I’ve had a visualization of a baby/embryo in a womb come up out of nowhere. So I’m trying to hold onto that.

I’m just trying. If this cycle doesn’t work I’ve decided to go onto herbs. The ones that worked for me before. Or seemed to work before. But also get a consult with a RE at a fertility center. This doctor is one of the top in the world or so I’m told. Who knows how long it’ll take to get in. A couple of months I think.

I’m undecided on taking vitex. I’m going to do tribulus, maca, Damiana. I have vitex I just don’t know if I should start it. There’s so many mixed feelings about it out there. If you have experience with vitex please let me know your thoughts.

Let’s just hope I don’t even need to decide. 🙂 Let the two week wait begin. Hopefully it’s actually a 2 week wait and not a 9 day wait like last ovulation cycle.

Anyone else in the 2ww? May the odds be ever in our favor!

The Big O, or lack there of.

Cd 18. Another – opk. If I were going to ovulate ‘on time’ (by cd 21) wouldn’t I have a LH surge by now? How bad is ‘late’ ovulation? I of course have heard of late ovulators getting a BFP but I have no idea how those pregnancies turned out. How long do I wait once cd 21 comes and goes before going back to the doctor?

I have heard that women are ‘more fertile’ after the HSG test because it can clear out mucus etc in the tubes. Since I’m at a higher risk for another ectopic I’ll take all the help I can get cleaning my lonely tube so I don’t have to go through that again. BUT what the hell good is that if I don’t friggin’ ovulate!? How long after the HSG would the tube be more cleared? One cycle, three?

If I don’t ovulate and go to the doctor what do I do? I’d like to go the vitex route I think but that takes so long to start working. Again, how long would the tube be cleared out for? But what else is there? Clomid? Clomid scares me. The side effects plus dropping more than 2 eggs at a time. I could handle twins. Mr. Big doesn’t want twins but damnit I/we want 2 kids so why not get it out of the way in one shot if I can? It’s my vagina damnit. 🙂 But if I get 3+ ready to drop then I have to skip that cycle right? That could be even more wasted time.

Have any of you dealt with anovulation? I’d love to hear your stories. If you have taken vitex I’d also like to hear how it worked for you, what it did for you. Same with Clomid.

I’m so mad right now. Sure I have a little hope I’ll ovulate by cd 21 or just ovulate late. But given my last few months and my negative nancy/ realistic mood I’m trying to prepare for the worst. My body flat out refuses to let me even try to get pregnant. Infuriating. Ttc is all I can focus on lately. My body just continues to add insult to injury. If it were an employee I would have fired it by now!

My acupuncturist wants me to do another session if I’m not ovulating, but I can’t afford another $60 for it this month. I’ve done 2 already.

I’m emotionally snacking right now. 😦 It doesn’t help anything I know. But dark chocolate goji berry candies are delicious.

I’m done venting. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any experience you can share.